Meriam Webster defines assertive as disposed to or characterized by bold or confident statements and behaviour.
The Collins English dictionary says that someone who is assertive states their needs and opinions clearly so that people take notice.
In a world were people have being wired differently, each having different temperaments, coming from different backgrounds, experiencing various situations and surrounded by different circumstances. In a world where truth is often times relative, in a country where people feel entitled,
Staying silent or assuming that other people should know what is to be done, especially when it concerns your personal wellbeing is not wise. Often times we must learn to speak out. Speak out for justice. Speak out for preservation.
I had gone through a tough time a while back when I had become very docile. A few things happened with all my plans going haywire and I thought it didnt matter anymore, speaking up or explaining myself or what I wanted seemed like a total waste of time.
I would be in a bus and someone would step on me and I wouldn’t even look up, neither to see who it was and it didn’t matter if they were apologizing or not.
The Lord had rebuked me; When you learn to speak up, in the long run you’ll find it benefits others as well. It can help your family and friends to understand what you want or need. When you’ve had enough practice speaking for yourself, speaking up for others who are weaker and disadvantaged in society gets easier. For example, the weak and elderly, bringing it home your grandparents or elderly neighbour.
You may have gotten used to docility and inaction and it might do you no harm, but have you ever thought of the people who surround you, what they stand to lose because no one has spoken up for them.
Being assertive is taking a stand for what is right, its choosing a side, its being firm. Your walk and talk have to back up your decisions.
Often times we may have to reconsider and adjust our views after much discussion and further understanding about an issue.
Still, there are those issues, for which there can never be a compromise. Issues which are inhumane, issues which mislead others or plunge them into misery or bondage whether mental or physical. We speak out against bullies and manipulators.
And practice makes perfect, the more tricky and sticky the situation, the better you get at handling them. The better you get at sighting the loopholes, the wiser you get at approaching the situations.
Sure there will be foolish and irrational persons whom speech can’t do much for them, but you would have to speak out still for yourself and others around. That they would hear what is the proper thing to do. The truth really sets people free.
In the past few years, one of the lessons I’ve learnt is that there comes a time you have to grow up and be responsible for your life. You can’t blame your parents, or friends or partners for what is going wrong. Growing up and maturity comes with responsibility.
When you understand that you are responsible for your life, you learn to speak for yourself. There is a discomfort or suffering that comes about due to silence. Please, life is too short to be living in discomfort.
Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you’re a man, you take it. ~ Malcolm X
Assertiveness is not intolerance, it is not being disagreeable, it is not stubborness, it is not shrewdness. Assertiveness is not strife. It is being sound minded. You know what you want, you know what is proper for life and you go for it.
Assertiveness is applying wisdom and courage to daily living. It is living without shackles, shackles of society, shackles of approval, shackles of ‘everything goes’.
Sadly, society cannot be a perfect fit for every one, we were not made the same. Not everyone will approve of you and not everything goes. So you might as well live freely.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN NO ONE LISTENS TO YOU
This often happens. Not everyone will like the fact that you are opinionated but you will have to remain true to who you are.
You also don’t know who that one person is that may be emboldened by your rare display of courage.
Life is too short to always follow the crowd, you might get to the end of road and then realise this is not what you wanted. You cannot tolerate another 2 or 5 or 10 years down the line and then start feeling resentful. Get it all out your system now and be as free as a bird.
Part of being assertive is that, you will be responsible for how your decision pans out.
One can still opt for docility, In that case you will still be responsible but for following another’s choices.
Be decisive, be firm and accept the responsibility that follows.
To be assertive you need to make a conscious effort to be informed, you need to seek wisdom, read good books, you need age, you need experience, you need sound counsel, you need humility to listen and to be able to communicate your point to the involved audience. You need to be responsible for when your idea was proper or wrong. You need to be willing to learn. You need to work towards being a better you. If two years pass and judging by your decisions and choices you are moving forward, then your assertiveness paid off. You need to be perceiving to judge when its time to hold your ground. You need to be sure that by insisting upon your views, you are not infringing on another’s wellbeing.
To be passive is to let others decide for you. To be aggressive is to decide for others. To be assertive is to decide for yourself. And to trust that there is enough, that you are enough. ~ Edith Eva Eger
You learn to be assertive and with time you get better. You learn to identify the crux of the matter, you learn how to put across your message, you learn when, where and how to back off. You learn when bowing isn’t deference. In life you win some you lose some, people may not like you because of your assertiveness, but they’ll know you and what you stand for.
It is time to teach ourselves to refuse and reject nonsense. When you refuse nonsense in your life, gradually there will be no nonsense around you. If you value your relationships, you will value proper communication and in that, understand the need for assertiveness. For youths especially, in your personal life, your future families, your workplace, the society you will be a part of tomorrow, the time to learn assertiveness is now.
