How to Build Resilience in Life
Adopt this Nigerian mantra,“If you do me I do you , God no go vex”
My Story
One of my highest grades in medical school was from Medical Chemistry. In my first year, during the first semester, I had performed really poorly in the initial assessment test for this same subject. This meant I wasn’t going to be exempted from the exams.
Usually we got the opportunity to look through our graded scripts just in case we had been marked incorrectly. I had gone in to check, with hope that someone may have forgotten to mark a whole page or something.
Anyway, I got to this classroom that fateful evening and I think the scripts had been segregated according to grades. I had gone to the section where the students performed really well.
And this bald headed teacher derisively laughed at me, saying I really thought too highly of myself.
Woah! That was a shocker.
I didn’t provoke this guy at all, I was left wondering why he would look at me and conclude that I wasn’t a smart student?
Gosh, did that sting? I had given him the eye and he dismissively showed me where to go.
Well, he was the teacher, and then, I didn’t know what I know now, so I obediently scuttled to where I was ‘meant to be’.
It did hurt being treated that way, but that was the trigger for me to sit up.
Bloody bald headed guy….hissing just recalling what happened, I’m over it though.
If you Do me, I do you, God no go vex
This statement literally means aI’ll do unto you what you do unto me, God won’t be upset.
If you walk into the street and curse an average Nigerian, they are very likely to curse you back and curse your entire lineage while they are at it.
It’s a kind of a rite of passage for anyone who grew up here.
If someone hits you, you hit them back. If someone raises their voice at you, you raise the roof. If someone jams your car, you show them madness.
While it is certainly not the best of philosophies to adopt in life, one thing is sure, it has helped to foster resilience in us as a people — this Idea that you could reciprocate and what others to do you in kind.
The above mantra more than anything is a resolution to take matters in to your own hands.
What is Resilience?
Resilience means a refusal to back down or give in. It means a determination to win against your circumstances/fate.
It means no matter the odds, I’ll keep fighting as long as I have breath. It is a belief that I will come out on top. It means I believe that I will have the last laugh.
6 Ways to Develop Resilience
1. Develop a Fighting Spirit!
A fighting spirit is built by been trained, people need to know when life knocks them down that they could always have the last laugh if they persevere.
Sometimes, That retaliation is succeeding in such a way that they never thought you could.
Behind this Nigerian mantra above, is a belief that I will get back at you.
I will get back at the world.
I will be on top again.
In this case, you see being hopeful is a strategy.
I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it. ~ Maya Angelou
2. Do not be afraid of Going Alone!
The intention is not to go alone. Man was made to connect with others and thrive through relationships.
But there will be stages in the journey, where you might be the only person who believes in yourself. You might be the only person who see the vision for the path you want to take. You will be your only cheerleader.
Ready your mind for that and you will go far in life.
Building resilience is also diverging from the flock.
It’s beeing your own person and staying still, even when the world screams fight.
Being resilient is having a mind of your own.
A will that is not bent by people nor by circumstances.
Patience that your efforts will bear fruit one day.
3. Be ready for challenges
That’s how we grow and mature. You had to walk before running as a baby and now as an adult the challenges are weightier, it’s just your promotion exam to the next level of growth or maturity. And it’s okay to fail.
It’s okay to repeat the same level and the same exams until you know it enough to help others.
I like this Bible verse that says a righteous man falls down seven times, each time he gets back up.
In life, you will be bruised, you’ll be wounded, there will be attempts to break your heart, but you will not break.
My Dad grew up in a polygamous home, he heard too many times that he would never amount to anything, his Dad sent him to primary school and that was it. He funded himself through high school, then he went to a polytechnic, many years after ensuring his kids also got their education, he has gotten his masters education.
He said hearing those disparaging remarks was part of what fueled his success. He had no way to get back at those who he said he wouldn’t succed other than succeeding.
Once you hit rock bottom, the only other is back up.
4. Rest! Take your failure/pain as a Stop Point
After a crash or a failure, you come to a stop.
After the red light, comes green. Stop is never the end of the journey. It’s just a rest point. Rest, re-strategize and get ready to move.
5. Know your Purpose/Goal/Vision
Write it down, hold onto it firmly. Keeping your eyes on a set point will help you to take anything else that gets in your way as a distraction.
And distractions will come in all forms, highs, lows, good, bad, ugly.
The key is to retrain your focus, whether in joy or sadness remember where you are headed.
6. Know Your Super Power
Everyone has their unique strengths and weaknesses.
Know your self , know your enemy but most importantly know your self.
Know what works for you.
Do not give away your power or your freedom.
Find out a way that works for you,
A way that does not subtract from whom you are.
A way after which you can still hold your head up, knowing you didn’t compromise your standards . In life, you must fight back.
If you do me I do you — can also be taken as an eye for eye. That may not always be the best revenge.
Have you ever remained calm and joyful while someone’s main intention was just to provoke and infuriate you?
It feels so good because you didn’t let them have their way, you don’t Always have to play by their rules. Know yourself and what works for you!
So back to our story in the beginning. The exams came and I did excellently, definitely better than if i had gotten an exemption. You can imagine the smirk on my face, when this same teacher had to hand in my exam script to me at the end of the semester and tell me Congratulations.
One of those aha moments! Being able to look at him dismissively and say look who is wrong, look who said I didn’t belong in the excellent tier. You’re wrong and I’m right moments can be sweet sometimes.
On a Side note;
Do you know that in the Old Testament of the bible, people lived until they were 900 years old?
Think of that and recognize that in the grand scheme of things you’re still a baby. We are really the advanced generations. Imagine staying at home for about 300 years before looking for a spouse? What did they do with all those years?
6. Last but not the least, You need a Source
We are human beings and that means that none of us are infallible. We all need an anchor, someone’s who is always there for us, someone whose strength will never fail. Someone who believes in us more than we believe in ourselves. Someone who will always inspire and motivate you
That someone for me is Jehovah. And He is available to everyone who calls upon him name.
Why Resilience is Important in Life?
Firstly, it’s because of you. Your life is a beautiful book being written and it only ends where you give up or give in.
And secondly it’s for the sake of mankind, do not think that you are too little to effect a change or make a difference in society. One orange can sprout millions of fruits and more seeds in turn. Your story has the power to create a ripple effect in those around you.
One decision on your part can break a long history of generational trauma.
Please do not give up, do not ever give in! You are here for such a time as this!
Hi, I’m Nguper. I write about relationships, life lessons, poetry and health issues. To see my stories in your feed, I’d love for you to follow me (Terngu) and if you loved this story, clap or share that others may also see it. Thank you.
