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Do not be Scared of Occupying Space
I was raised to be accommodating and to practice patience with others, ‘bear with one another, love covers a multitude of sins’.
I’d seen my father play the part again and again in our extended family. Always seeing the bigger picture, he was the ‘unifier’, the one who let peace. reign.
This made me naturally sensitive, able to read the room, able to sense people’s emotions, able to anticipate people’s needs. Doing the things that would not make my Mom or Dad sad.
I was the friend willing to take the backseat, willing to relegate to another table. I was willing to shrink so that there was enough space for others. And I married being the understanding woman.
At work, I was the one on time, doing all my work and the work that others shunned so that things could run smoothly.
And that backfired so many times. I’m recently learning about reactive trauma. When people have let things stew for so long that it spills once it’s boiled over. And I tell you what’s so wrong with reactive abuse is how I feel after an outburst — horrible!
Because I know this is not me. I wish I can say I am now in my bad girl era but I don’t think I’m there yet.
